Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
