I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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