we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
