My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
