Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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