Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
