Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
