my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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