people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize