Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
