My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
