I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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