Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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