nut hugger
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize