Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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