wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
