hell yes lets make some ravioli
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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