I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
