How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
