i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize