she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
