Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
