If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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