It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
