I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize