I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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