The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
