I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
