Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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