Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
