I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
