i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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