i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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