My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
