Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
