Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
