i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
