My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
