I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
