Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
