I have demons in me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
