at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
