If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
