"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish i was in the wii world.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want her autograph on my taint
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
