he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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