if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
