So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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