the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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