Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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