after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
COCAINE IS GR8
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
