Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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