I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i think my cat just said my name.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh god it's open bar.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
