Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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