yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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