Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
