Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
