Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
