Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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