sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
