I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize