Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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