She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
