I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
