My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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