Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
