What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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