How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
