I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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