Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
