Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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