I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
