someone get that fucking seahorse.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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