i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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