I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
