i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
