It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
