Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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