No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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