I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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