Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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