went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry about my life...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
