Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
