Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
