I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
