If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
