dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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