I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
