Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
