Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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