If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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