Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
