I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
