She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
